


How to Say Goodbye

by simply_gorgeous



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 01:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18400763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_gorgeous/pseuds/simply_gorgeous
Summary: Saying goodbye was a talent Marinette had never possessed.





	How to Say Goodbye

"I've never been good at this."

Marinette watched with a heavy heart as Alya and Nino hugged their families and collected their luggage as they prepared to board the plane that would take them to their respective colleges in America. 

"What, saying goodbye?"

She turned to Adrien and nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. 

"It's just...hard," she mumbled, voice breaking. "And I've never gotten better."

The young man nodded sympathetically, knowing that Marinette was a girl who cared very deeply for those around her and understanding that that same care put her at risk to hurt just as deeply. 

He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders which she leaned into sideways. He was a warm and comforting presence during a time when life was shifting. She had always known it would change, had been with Alya every step of the way. From finding the best colleges for aspiring reporters, to the acceptance letter over which they screamed in excitement, to helping her pack her bags and even setting up one last interview with Ladybug. 

She and Adrien waved at the plane as it faded into the distance, and Marinette felt tears finding their way down her cheeks. A hand gently grasped hers and squeezed. 

"Don't worry, Marinette. I'll keep you company while they're gone. We'll use the time away from our best friends to get to know each other better. And please don't cry," he entreated, lifting a hand to her face before lowering it again in embarrassment, "spring break will be here before you know it."

"I know," she whispered into the wind, aching inside as if the growing distance was physically stretching her heart. "I've just never been good at this."

Patrol that night had been unusually quiet, and melancholy hung thick in the air. Ladybug knew she should try to be more cheerful, but even Chat Noir seemed lethargic today. They ended the patrol on a random rooftop and sat side by side, admiring the lantern-lined bridges that arched gracefully over a river. 

A sigh from her partner drew one from herself, and the heroine lay back to look up at the starless sky, the hazy clouds above reflecting her dull mood. 

"What's going to happen to us?"

The abrupt question startled Ladydug, and she sat up on her elbows to regard her partner. He was leaning back on his hands, feet dangling over the edge of the building with creased brows and troubled eyes. 

"What do you mean, Chat?"

She had wanted a distraction. As much a she loved spending time with Adrien, a month bereft of Alya was really taking a toll on her. The boundless energy source with red hair and glasses was missing from her everyday routine, the secret giggles shared at bumbling tourists were solo and sad, there was no one to squeal to over Adrien's latest display of perfection, and she was just plain _lonely._

"I mean, what's going to happen to us when this is over?"

He didn't seem to know exactly what he was saying as he stared down at the world below them in a daze. 

"Sooner or later Hawkmoth will be caught, or we'll get too old or too busy to be superheroes anymore. Our kwamis will have to pick different 'choosen's, heck," his eyes flicked to hers, a spark of panic within she wasn't accustomed to seeing there. "One of us could get married! Have kids!"

He stood up and paced, Ladybug too stupefied to do anything other than follow him with her eyes. 

"We're old enough now. I don't know your exact age, but it has to be close to mine, and I know I already have people hinting at or even outright asking when I'm going to 'settle down.'"

She had wanted a distraction, yes. But this was definitely not what she had in mind, and Ladybug did not want to think along these lines right now. Ever since her friends had gone off to college, she had had a lot of time to think. She would be lying if she denied the fact that the very concern he brought up had caused her sleepless nights. Ladybug had become so engrained in who she was as a person that reverting back to just being plain old Marinette scared her out of her wits. But more than the fear of not being Ladybug was the profound sorrow that coursed through her whenever she thought about never seeing Chat Noir again. Losing Chat would grieve her for the rest of her life, and although she still admired and adored Adrien, hot jealous had spiked through her when her partner had mentioned the possibility of marriage in his near future. 

She settled a glare on her dark companion. 

"We are not going to talk about that."

To her surprise, Chat rounded on her with complete determination in his rebuttal. 

"Like we aren't going to talk about our real identities? Like we won't ever address my feelings for you?" He approached her angrily, like a predator stalking its prey. "Like we can't even know how old we are?"

She stood up and backed away from him until her back hit the wall of a taller, adjoining building. 

"We just 'aren't going to talk about it' until it's too late, right?"

His breath was warm across her forehead as he leaned towards her. 

She knew he wasn't being menacing intentionally, and that he wouldn't go too far, but his words were bringing all her regrets to the surface, and the fear fed her eyes with water. 

"Do you even know how selfish that is? To insist on having your way, not even caring about me at all? Do you?"

Ladybug lifted her bluebell eyes to his emerald ones which had previously been sparkling with fire but now sat extinguished. She could see the pain in his eyes at seeing her tears, but she could _feel_ a hollowness in his desperation that now threatened to eat her alive. 

"I do, Chat," she said softly, trailing delicate fingertips over his forehead and tracing his jawline. His eyes closed with the gesture, and she had to swallow to maintain an even voice. "I care about you. So much. But..."

A life flashed before her eyes. A life without him, a life never knowing, a life constantly wondering, a life always regretting. 

A life doomed to be hers. 

She broke away from him, and moved in the direction of her house's street. 

She looked over her shoulder and left him with words she knew he could decipher. Words she knew he would understand the way only they understood one another. A way of trying to communicate how much she hated goodbyes. 

"I've never been good at this."

 

 

He had come to her balcony a week later. 

She had been crying when she let him in. 

"What's wrong, Princess?"

She shook her head and sobbed, unable to explain why she had turned down Adrien's request to date her when that was all she had wanted for years. She held her hands to her face and realized what a mess she'd made falling for two people, and therefore denying herself both. She hated herself for hurting the feelings of the two most genuine men she had ever been blessed to know, and she couldn't tell him because Chat could understand Ladybug, not Marinette. 

"Come here, shhh."

He gathered her in strong arms and led her to the pink chaise in the middle of her room, and she absentmindedly noted that she had been touching him a lot more recently, whether as her civilian or her superhero self. 

"It's okay, Princess, it's alright. I've got you."

They sat there for a length of time unmeasured until Marinette had been soothed into a state of semiconsciousness without which she would have perhaps never found the courage to say,

"Chat Noir, you are so good to me." She placed her hand on his chest and followed the pace of his heartbeat. "I trust you. I'm just scared of losing my wall of protection. I don't know how to say goodbye to the security the secrets provide. I don't have to worry about the risks or what you'd think of me. I can stay inside the safe little bubble I've created. I've never been strong enough to say goodbye to that."

She sat upright, and he followed. She looked straight at him, and prayed her resolve wouldn't falter. 

"I trust you. Do you trust me?"

"I don't know wha—"

"Answer the question," she cut in, her Ladybug already showing in anticipation of what she was about to do. 

"Yes. I do," he exhaled, searching her eyes in confusion. "You've always aided me and done nothing to compromise my identity."

"Please don't hate me, I've never been good at this. Tikki," she held her breath and closed her eyes. "Spots on." 

 

 

He was bleeding. He'd been hit. 

Hawkmoth had pulled his most brilliant scheme yet, and it had taken everything they had to defeat him. 

They had all _known,_ had all somehow innately known like an unexplained instinct, that this was it. This would be the final battle between Ladybug and Chat Noir, and Hawkmoth. They had given it their all, Ladybug and Chat Noir had found a harmony they never knew could exist. They had moved as one throughout the lengthy battle. Hawkmoth had gotten stronger, but so had they. Years of training, fighting, and growing into adults had strengthened both their spirits and their physical bodies. 

And they had won. 

But the price was far too high as Ladybug ran to where Chat lay bleeding dangerously close to the edge of the Eiffel Tower. He and Hawkmoth had come to blows, and Hawkmoth, or his father as it was, had been able to land one solid hit. 

And one was all it took. 

In the split second of windedness that followed the hit, the villain had turned Chat's cataclysm against himself, smearing the black destruction across his chest. She had cried out his name in terror, and realized too late that the name she had called was Adrien's. Chat, or Adrien as he was then known, stunned and in shock, lost his footing and fell fifty feet to the platform below. 

Hawkmoth had stared in shock and horror, giving Ladybug the opening she needed. She was not without injuries herself, but she pushed herself to snatch his miraculous revealing him to be Gabriel Agreste and secured him to the top spire of the Eiffel Tower. She then used her Lucky Charm abilities to fix everything—to no avail.

The powers of creation and destruction were equal. Ladybug could not undo Chat's magic anymore than he could undo hers. Her wounds healed. His didn't. As she skidded to a halt beside him, he wearily opened his eyes. 

"Forgive me, My Lady..." He choked. 

"No. No! Chat," she cried, leaning over his broken body, red pool expanding sickeningly around them. "Adrien, my love..."

She didn't finish; she _couldn't_ finish. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to say that it was all going to be okay. She wanted to brush his bangs from his eyes and tell him he'd make it. She wanted to say 'pound it' and talk about their future together. But she didn't want to lie. 

So instead she tried to speak through her waterlogged throat, voice cracking and pitch unsteady to tell him some of the last words he'd hear. 

"Kitty, we did it. I'm so proud of you. I love...I love you, and I'm so," she swallowed, " _so_ proud of you. You couldn't have been more...I'll never..."

Her vision swam, and she lost sight of him, causing her tears to increase. The hand she held to her heart squeezed hers in a way she realized was meant to be firmer. 

"Mari—Marinette," 

He heaved a breath, and she felt a panicky urge to hush him, to try to preserve his strength, and knew all at once what it was like for the women across history who had knelt beside their soulmates watching helpless as the life drained from the eyes of those they loved most. 

"Ladybug."

She hung her head and answered,

"Yes, I'm here."

His eyes looked back and forth between hers, and blood trickled into his mouth as he parted his lips to speak. 

They stilled for a long moment which was lost forever to time who knows no restraints and yet stood still to wait in respectful silence for a man to find a way to say goodbye to all he had gained and lost. 

Marinette gazed deeply into the green eyes that longingly stared back, hoping against hope he would, by some miracle, jump up unharmed. He must have seen what she was thinking because he ever so slightly shook his head and smiled bitterly. 

"I can't. I can't hear you say it," she whispered brokenly. "Please don't say goodbye."

Perhaps it was fate, or the will of the stars as he fulfilled that last request and softly, sweetly echoed back the words she had once given to him. 

"I've never been good at this."

Her cry rang above the streets of Paris as a heart stopped beating and hers broke in two.

> _A red slender figure kneeling beside one in black_  
>  _Brushed her lips to his forehead to kiss_  
>  _And spoke softly the words which he no longer heard,_  
>  _"I've never been good at this."_  
> 


End file.
